An OFW once shared with me these stories:
- A brother asking for extra money for a “business”
- A cousin asking money for her niece’ birthday bash
The OFW asked me, “Is it an act of humility to provide for these requests, even if it’s hard to do so?”
Maybe.
But at the same time, giving in to these non-important requests is sending a wrong message. They would think that it’s okay and won’t feel that money is a problem for you. Sooner or later it will become a habit.
So how to deal with it? Two things: TS (“Ti-is”)
T for Tough love
If you are married with kids, your spouse and your own children are your priority. It is not your role to provide for the wants, and even the needs of your relatives. But, as embedded on our culture, we do this out of love.
But giving is not the only way to show love.
Say no. Not giving them everything doesn’t mean you love them less. Loving does not mean you give all they want. You wake them up from the toxic mentality. You need to let them realize that you have a family of your own to feed. If they feel bad, take it, even if it pinches your heart too. That’s the only way to help them stand on their own feet. That’s what TOUGH LOVE means – you teach them how to become responsible.
S for Self care
OFWs often neglect caring for themselves because they are too busy taking care also of the extended family – ate, kuya, kapatid, pinsan, pamangkin, tito and tita, etc.
Kumusta naman ang sarili mong pangarap?
We don’t realize, as we work diligently abroad, we could already be in a position to reach our dreams. But when giving becomes an obligation, we deprive ourselves of that opportunity to work on our personal goals. Because the finances that we could have invested in ourselves go to the family back home instead.
Giving is a noble act, a very selfless gesture – especially when done with joy and a cheerful heart. But if it’s becoming a burden and not out of the overflow of the heart anymore, we have a problem.
Don’t wait for the day that what’s left on your plate are just breadcrumbs because you gave them your bakery.
On point. If you give them the impression na money is not an issue, they would keep on asking until nothing’s left and when you start saying no, sasabihin na kesyo nag abroad lumaki na ulo, na madamot. Sad na majority of the families na naiwan sa PH have this mentality. 🙁
100% agree with this. this is likely one of the reasons why personal financial progress among filipinos is so seemingly out of reach. if we are to use up 100% of the savings pie every month to send money to everyone in our lives who “needs” our help, there would be nothing left for us to build our dreams on. and who will suffer? our kids, our future progeny, our future grandchildren, etc.
this is why there are so few financial success stories in the Philippines. we all know it takes money to make money (sweat equity to build money from scratch via jobs, self-employment, small side jobs, etc.) and learning to save is already a huge self-discipline challenge for most people, as it is. but even more important than saving is investing. if we don’t stand our ground and put away money for the specific purpose of building personal and generational wealth with it, there will be virtually nothing left for us. nothing multiplied by nothing is nothing. when that happens, we stand to become the burden on our future children, asking them to help us out in our retirement years. would that be fair to them? if filipinos would only think long-term with a view toward taking care of the future generation, then maybe we would have less people asking for handouts and working doubly hard to support themselves and their children. nothing selfish about that. in fact, it is our children’s right. btw, the same goes for people who would like to stay single or without kids/heirs; the idea is to work for the future you want to live in.