For years, I used to religiously give her flowers, even on non-occasions. I thought I was raking those pogi-points. But I was wrong.
One day she asked me to stop spending on flowers – because, after only a few days, they go to trash. She’d rather use the money for something else – on experience perhaps – even on those little moments that do not have price tags.
Apparently, her love language is not gifts (food yata! Or selfies! Haha). Service and words of affirmation are her dominant love languages. So whatever fancy flowers (or gifts) I give her, though she appreciates, it does not connect. So I stopped giving her flowers and I planted a garden of thoughts instead.
It is really important to understand our partner’s love language. It benefits both of you. It saves you from doing things that matter less and allows you to focus on things that fill the love tank.
Don’t get me wrong. If you have the means, it is very much okay to invest in fab things once in a while. Do a mashup of love languages. Because sometimes, WORDS SPEAK LOUDER THAN CERTAIN ACTIONS. Moreso if words match the actions.
While doing my work at a cafe, I once left my laptop unattended because I had to use the washroom on the other side of the mall. Knowing ‘Dubai,’ I was confident no one will take it. After about 5 minutes, it’s still there.
I couldn’t count the number of times I left my car unlocked overnight in public parking, with my wallet in it, and still find everything there the next morning.
There were times we unknowingly left our front door unlocked overnight – nothing happened.
We’ve had 3 times our phone and wallet were returned by taxi drivers after leaving them in the cab.
Dubai, I believe, is a place where pickpockets do not exist – based on my personal experience.
BUT… with numerous stories circulating in private groups, is Dubai still safe from petty unlawful acts?
I believe it is still ‘generally’ safe out there. But maybe it is not as flawlessly safe as it was before, that when you ask me, I wouldn’t leave my laptop unattended anymore. And just like anywhere else in the world, I would be more mindful about what’s going on in my surroundings.
These days, I feel more unsafe online – in WhatsApp, on Messenger – for scams. I think this is an area where we need to be extra vigilant.
I went back to Sundays to Thursdays workweek, and so we went back to Friday breakfast dates.
These days, when people say they are dating, they refer to the “getting to know” stage.
Maybe society is not used to seeing husbands and wives date often as they do before they get married.
We do. Thank God we have the opportunity to do this just alone with each other.
When you’re already married, this is not a date where you impress your spouse with how much you spend on fancy food, how well you dress, or how cool you make your hair. Most likely, you already know everything about each other – where you’re good at, and where not.
We call it an ‘accountability date.’ It’s talking about your roles as husband and wife for the past week or so.
What to talk about during date nights?
We start by sharing the highlights of our week. Then we ask questions like:
How has our relationship been this past week?
How can I improve as a husband/wife? We rate each other between 1-5 so we can gauge how to improve.
What are your plans and how can I support and help you?
What has God been teaching or dealing with you?
During the conversation, we do not defend ourselves against what the other says. It’s more about listening intently to what your spouse shares. The goal is to have a takeaway about how you can improve (or sustain being good at your role).
And yes, no phones at the table, except when it’s time for selfies.
No matter how cloudy the situation today is, there’s still a possibility that 2022 could be the best year of your life. It’s not about the circumstances. It’s more about the choices you make and how you react (or not) to the things that happen around you.
Here’s my traditional annual sharing of random things I believe would be key for us to stay joyful and feeling good.
Most of these are notes to myself and I thought you might find some value in them too, so I share.
1. Manage distractions
Forget time management. Few minutes of distractions, when put together, amounts to a significant time gone.
2. Cancel the cancel culture
Be more objective instead. Choose to love, not hate.
3. Walk away from Marites
Surround yourself with people who talk about ideas and growth, not people who talk and gossip about other people.
Sorry, “Marites.”
4. Don’t feel guilty about having downtimes
Rest and relaxation should be part of the process.
5. Be mindful of your priorities
Pay careful attention and respect your priorities to avoid conflicts.
6. Don’t be too hard on yourself
Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. Even champions have to lose some games.
7. Equally care about physical & mental health
Don’t sit all day. Move. And, strive to have enough time for sleep.
8. Compare yourself only to who you were yesterday
Not to someone else today. Comparing with others is not the right analogy.
9. Say no
Decline irrelevant invites. Say no even to good opportunities so you could say yes to great ones.
10. Keep doin’ small acts of kindness
Never belittle the kindness you put out there, no matter how small they may seem when put together, they makes a difference.
11. Drop the entitlement mentality
Don’t go to the counter if you’re not yet ready to order. People don’t have all day to wait for you.
Be considerate.
12. Process things before reacting
You don’t need to react to everything, and you don’t need to be first if you have to. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
13. Be more present
Put the phone down when you are with people. Put premium on relationships.
14. Don’t let people’s opinion affect you
Your value isn’t based on what others say about you.
15. Be thankful at all times
There is at least one thing, big or small, that you can be grateful for each day.
16. Be careful who to listen to
Not everyone who sounds smart is wise. If you want to restore relationships, listen to those who speak restoration. If you want to manage your money, listen to financial advocates with wisdom and heart.
17. Choose to forgive every day
Do not store up unnecessary baggage you’ll keep throughout the year.
18. Do less
Avoid overcomplicating and overthinking things. Reserve your time to what matters most.
19. Add humor to your dailies
Life is much easier with a sense of humor.
20. Guard your peace of mind
Never do anything that will break your precious peace of mind.
21. Deal with your negative emotions
Do not run away from them. To get past it, you have to go through it.
22. Imagine what could go right, instead of what could go wrong
Let your faith be bigger than your fears. Just focus on what you can control and entrust the rest to God.
Bonus: Form good habits & break bad ones
Read Atomic Habits by James Clear. You can buy it from Amazon for only AED 43.
Before she became the woman behind the successful man, she was the totally unsupportive wife.
Long time ago, whenever I was excited to share my ideas, she would respond with, “E di wow!” which made me feel discouraged and uninspired.
She would question why I do what I do – and that was the problem.
She didn’t know I find relief whenever I get to work on my interests – that was a problem.
The problem – I didn’t exert much effort to make her understand why I do what I do. I asked her for time, but I didn’t let her see the value I get from doing what I’m doing. She didn’t know the positive impact if I could spend time working on my dreams for myself and the family.
Fast forward, these last few years, our marriage keeps growing better every year. We’re in-love more than ever. You might say we’re lucky but we both had to learn our lessons the hard way. Mistake after mistake, we almost reached the dead end. But after a series of wise counsel, God showed a U-turn.
We intentionally learned about our roles as husband and wife. We looked within what needed to be changed. But that doesn’t mean we became perfect. Not at all. It just means, we strive to become wise in rebuking mistakes and choosing to forgive each other day in and day out. Accepting and loving our imperfections. And eventually, loving unconditionally just as how God loves us.
And of course, finally, she understood the purpose of why I do what I do. Now, whenever I share new ideas, her response is, “Wow, great idea babe! How can I help you?” (Oo, English na sya’ng sumagot)
I often hear Filipinos say, “Support our own” in many situations. How nice right? Very positive. But a generally positive outlook sometimes can do more harm than good.
For example, someone would say, “Support Filipino restaurants.” But what if the food is really bad? What would motivate you to visit again?
It happened to me several times in the past. Whenever I get a chance, I share my unpleasant experience with the manager. That’s why you don’t see me posting bad food reviews. (I don’t feel entitled to write bad reviews; I’d rather share it privately with the concerned people or restaurant).
With that honest feedback, I’m doing them a favor – hoping they would improve.
We would hear most Filipinos asking to “support Filipino businesses.” But what if you weren’t satisfied with the product or service? What if the company is engaging in unethical practices?
Would you rather stay with them just because they are… “Filipino?”
How can you support Filipino businesses that maltreat their employees?
There was this restaurant owner in Dubai who was screaming at her staff. She didn’t realize I was there. Then she saw me (being the first and only customer at that time). She walked up to me and apparently recognized that I’m a blogger. Then she calmed down, offered me the best seat, and said, “i-blog mo kami ha.”
When Filipino businesses ask for support, more often than not, they mean, “Please help us promote us.” (At least for me as a blogger)
I can sense if the call for support is only to make money and not for them to provide people with an excellent experience through their products or services.
“Support our own” seems to be our default. Sadly, it does not always apply. There should be more compelling reasons to support something other than nationality. Otherwise, the words “tangkilikin ang sariling atin” will just be another toxic positivity.
It’s like telling people it’s okay to be mediocre, Pinoy naman.
Toxic positivity rejects difficult emotions in favor of a cheerful, often falsely positive, outlook. It ignores negative or unfavorable emotions. Those emotions need to be felt and dealt with openly and honestly. Otherwise, maiipon.
To get past it, you have to go through it. Toxic positivity bypasses this process.
“If we don’t support our own, who will?”
Well, if a business really has something good to offer, people will eventually discover that. People would naturally support and promote it.
Kaya I support those who strive for excellence, and those who are humble and ethical, Pinoy man o hindi. I support those who are customer-centric, and those who intentionally connect with their customers.
When I support, I do not always speak praise, especially if I know that something can be done better. Sugarcoating is not supporting.
There are many ways to support – constructive criticism is one. You critique, not because you want to put someone down, but because you want to see them improve and grow. Not giving any feedback is not supporting.
In sports, we cheer for the team we support. We also call them out when they play lousy because we want to see them win.
Tolerating mediocrity because we’re all from the same race is like saying, “palusutin mo na, kabayan naman e.” When you do not speak up about things (or do anything about the situation), you allow things to continue.
Let’s be careful what we tolerate. Because we get what we tolerate.
Sambucol is one of the best recommendations we’ve got from our family doctor. We had a consultation at the start of the pandemic last year because we want to boost our immune system even more.
The doc advised us to try this Black Elderberry supplement because apparently, this wonder fruit contains some of the most potent naturally occurring antioxidants – making it one of the strongest immune system boosters – based on scientific study. With more antioxidants than most fruits (including blueberries, pomegranates, or cranberries), elderberries can help empower your immune system by fighting free radicals that damage it.
Though it’s not covered by our insurance, we thought, prevention is always better than cure – so we invested in it.
But it doesn’t cost much actually. One tablet costs less than a can of soda. And unlike other effervescent drinks, Sambucol tastes good (parang Fanta berry lang).
My wife and I take one tablet a day. Our eldest takes 2 gummies each day. Thank God this past 2 years we’re keeping healthy (Of course the supplement does not do it all – mindfulness about our diet, exposure to the sun, and exercise also helps.)
You can buy the adult tablets here: https://amzn.to/3qtwcht (Now on sale at 26 dirhams instead of 40 – that’s less than AED2 per tablet)
You can buy the kid’s gummies here: https://amzn.to/3mBoSzi (Also on sale, 40 dirhams only instead of 60)
NOTE: This is not a paid or a solicited endorsement. I’m sharing this based on a good personal experience. I thought you might be looking for a supplement that works. Please do your research too, or better yet, ask your doctor.
Every time I get introduced as a blogger, one of the first things people ask is, “HOW MANY FOLLOWERS DO YOU HAVE?”
“I don’t have much” compared to the typical standards. Then I get mixed reactions of ahhhs and ohhhs. As if there’s pressure to have big numbers.
When I started BOYDUBAI.COM the main idea was just to ‘document’ my life abroad – the struggles, the pain, and the small and big wins. It was a bonus when people started to discover my blog through Google.
During the early years, the thought of exerting bigger efforts to gain more followers crossed my mind. Because, why not? I think most bloggers delight in that too.
But the thing is, blogging is not the only thing I do. I have a different day job. Blogging is just an outlet for me to vent out my thoughts and my emotions on things around me. It also disrupts me positively from an otherwise stagnant home-work-home routine. Not to mention, I also have a growing family. And to build up a blog means I’ll have to take a chunk of time from my remaining personal time. I don’t want to do that.
So I committed to work on BOYDUBAI only when I get “extra spare time” – that’s the time left outside the family and rest time.
(Although I must admit, there were instances that this hobby tried to snatch more time than what I allotted on it.)
Long story short, I managed my expectations. I accepted the fact that my followers won’t grow to extreme highs because it is not my top priority. Though I love blogging so much, my hustle happens at work. And I spend more time with the family outside work. I basically learned to handle my priorities with intentionality. By the grace of God, my blog is getting by. And I appreciate ALL OF YOU, for staying with me kahit hindi ako consistent.
My blog may not be good enough in terms of number of followers, and that’s fine. What
I’m proud of is the healthy conversation under every story I share. Because of your intimate engagement, we continue to grow from an “anything-under-the-sun” blog into a platform for fearless yet responsible storytelling.
Darren Hardy says, “Success is something you attract by the person you become.”
It’s about how you grow through the journey, not through the numbers. Even if my blog is moving slow, my heart is contented. As they say, slow progress is still progress.
I initially didn’t want to do this, but I think being an advocate of responsible content creation, I need to share this.
Tita Krissy Achino used the lyrics I wrote in a parody video with Ninong Ry and Ben&Ben without giving any form of a credit to me.
When I first saw the video, in all honesty, I enjoyed it. I was thrilled that something I wrote became part of viral and fun-filled content, much more with Ben&Ben on it, a group we all admire and look up to. As of this time, it has already 3M views on Facebook, 58K on Youtube)
But I was questioning why there was no credit at all to the source of the lyrics.
I want to believe it is an honest mistake.
I posted the lyrics as a comment to a Facebook post of Ben&Ben, on August 8th – when they hinted to do this collaboration. They surely picked it up from there. That comment is not hard to notice because it was the most popular comment with 317 engagements.
To be fair, they did not ask anyone to submit lyrics. It’s all just for fun for me. I wrote the parody more than a year ago already and I wanted to share it with whoever could produce or perform a parody. (I even sent it to Michael V.)
If they ignore, fine. If they use it, great. And the least I’m expecting is just a mention of who wrote the lyrics – out of courtesy, and ethics. I’m not asking for any ‘legal’ recognition. I’m just requesting a little courtesy, so you could also set an example for people who follow you.
But there was none. Their audience must be thinking how genius their idea of a parody is.
I was adamant to call this out, because “it was just a parody” I thought. It’s all derived from the original works of Ben&Ben. But then again, it still involves a thought process, time, and effort. Hindi namin niluluwa ang bawat salita. Pinaghihirapan yun.
Imagine, I was inspired writing it, felt ecstatic it when I first heard they used it, but felt shattered when I found that not even a simple recognition was given.
I reach out
I saw the video yesterday – more than 24 hours already as of this writing. I thought of contacting them first, and let’s see if they respond.
So I reached out to my friends in the media for advice. I sent Ben&Ben a message to their Instagram, but as expected, they did not reply. I also sent Ninong Ry a message. He was the only one who replied and had a really good conversation with me.
He replied, “Paps actually kay Tita Krissy ko nalaman ung lyrics. Sorry brader. Imemention ko to kay chino paps salamat and pasensya na.”
“Minessage ko si Tita Krissy. I suggest message mo din siya.”
I did sent a message to Krissy, and got no reply. Twice.
Ninong Ry, asked me to send a message again, “Message mo lang ulit paps para umangat.”
“Pasensya na ulit. Di ko naman alam na may ganto pala. Nung nilatag nila sakin yung balak sa vlog, nag go lang ako not knowing na may ganto palang complication.”
“Kung alam ko lang paps sinabihan ko sana sila agad.”
He ended our chat with, “Sana mag reply siya. Ayoko din naman siyang kulitin about this kasi nasabihan ko na naman siya.”
Thank you Ninong Ry, and I appreciate a lot how you help me reach Tita Krissy.
Why am I sharing this?
I’m aware this might look like me trying to ride on, but the main reason I’m writing this is to prevent this from becoming another precedent – that people of big influence could comfortably walk away from these – and poor bloggers/writers like us are ignored. Whether the video has raked million views or 10 views, I would still do the same.
This is not about me, because this could happen to you.
This is a call to be more responsible about our content. As a content creator myself, I’m very particular about giving credit where credit is due. As a writer, I’ve been a victim of plagiarism many times in the past. I called out and settled well with a few of them. This has to stop. People of positive influence should lead the voice on this and not connive with the practice.
Tita Krissy, how can the public trust that all you put out there were originally made by you wherein you cannot do a simple attribute to the source?
To Ben&Ben and Ninong Ry, please, on your next collab, check on the ethics of whoever you are collaborating with. I’m sure you don’t want to be associated with someone who plagiarises.
Again, it could be an honest mistake. But at least have accountability. It’s been 24 hours since Tita Krissy has been made aware, and he acknowledged it, yet still, no action done.
My friend summarized it rightly, “The downside of being a blogger is that… anyone, in a matter of minutes, can copy your work and use it as their own content and the world has no idea that it was yours…”
UPDATE 1
As of December 7, 2021 5am, Miguel of Ben&Ben reached out to me to humbly apologize, and I really appreciate the humble gesture.
With his permission, I’m sharing his message here:
Magandang umaga po, Boy Dubai!Napag-alaman namin kagabi ang sitwasyon tungkol sa paggamit nang walang paalam sa pinaghirapan mong lyrics ng “pagtikim”, na lumabas sa content namin with tita krissy at ninong ry..
You are right, it was an honest mistake and as artists, we should always make sure na laging tama ang credits ng mga content namin. Kahit pa collab content yun, nais naming maging accountable rin dahil dapat inalam muna namin kung saan galing ang lyrics bago namin tinuloy ang pagshoot at pagpost ng content. Kaya lubos kaming humihingi ng tawad. Walang excuse sa pag-miss out nito at dapat naming itama ang mali na ito.
Pasensya na rin kung hindi namin agad nakita ang message mo sa Instagram.
To make things right, we will edit all the description and captions to the posts and tag you as well. Nasabihan na rin namin si Tita Krissy. Pero kung nais mong ipa-take down ang videos, we’ll gladly do so.
Muli, pasensya na at nakaligtaan namin ito.
Maraming salamat,Ben&Ben
I believe you must know what transpired on our conversation. Here it is:
I ended our chat saying… “I don’t think I said it in my previous message, but yes of course I forgive you.” He replied, “Salamat bro. Padayon, magpatuloy tayo sa paglikha. God bless!!”
UPDATE 2
As of Tuesday, Tita Krissy Achino has reached out to me and apologized for indeed the honest mistake. We were able to close things out yesterday.
To quote him, “During the shoot, for transparency, I have already mentioned to credit the owner of the comment where the said lyrics were posted. But my team couldn’t find it anymore. So we decided to push through with uploading it, since (1) we didn’t claim that it was our work, (2) we’re hesitant to credit the wrong person, and (3) we’re confident to perform it because the composers & original singers of the song were present during our shoot. Yun na lang ang iniisip ko that time. And I hope you understand.”
“TKV Team does not have any intention to grab the credits to the parody lyrics. In fact, while preparing for the collab shoot, I told Ninong Ry, Miguel, Paolo, and Ben&Ben of how/where i got the lyrics.
It was an honest mistake that we didn’t put a disclaimer, regardless if we have found the owner of the parody lyrics or not. But, i have instructed to include it in present & future videos across all socmed. Again, apologies & thank you for your kind understanding! Have a nice day! Love, love, love!”
My reply:
Thank you Chino for the apology! I just don’t understand how you or your team cannot find the comment. One, there’s only one post about you on Ben&Ben page at that time. I’m sure it’s not hard to find. Two, my comment became the top comment with 300+ engagements – by default it is the first comment to show up in a post. Even strangers could find the comment easily. Three, pag gusto may paraan – you could’ve asked Ben&Ben kung hindi mo man ma-locate yung comment. Or you could’ve not given up until mahanap nyo yung comment. I also could not remember when was the exact date I posted that, or what the post is. But it took me only less than 10 minutes to scroll through the page and find it. Kapag gusto may paraan, pag ayaw may dahilan. Kasi it’s a content e – and you know that it’s not you who made that. I’ve been in this industry for a long time and is also working in the digital field and I know how these things work. So saying na hindi mahanap is not a valid excuse.
His reply:
Thanks for airing your side!
I acknowledge these points and apologies again for this matter. At that time, it was me who shot last during our Ben&Ben x Ninong Ry x Tita Krissy collab. If i’m not mistaken, it was around 9pm when we did the vlog. I told Gee (yes, she’s my videographer/editor) to look for the comment so we could mention it on tape and credit it on the caption/description of our videos. But she couldn’t find it. I remember Ben&Ben helping us locate, too, where the said comment is, but we ran out of time, not finding it, and resumed rolling. Yes, it may not be a valid excuse, but safe to say, we didn’t mention that it was our work nor did we put on any description that it was written by me or someone from the team. But then again, this has happened and i know this has troubled you and/or made u feel unnoticed. I deeply empathize.
Also, with regards to the time Ninong Ry & I had a conversation about this, which was way past my bedtime, I told him that i’ll make sure to look out for the message you’ll be sending. I know he has sent me a screenshot, but I wasn’t able to see your name and username. I got preoccupied with work the next day & had family matters to attend to. I only was informed the next day, when Ben&Ben texted me about the post on Facebook. That’s when I replied, shortly after i woke up yesterday.
If you’ve felt this was taken for granted, or we, together with my team, ignored you intentionally, again, we apologize. We cannot force you to believe this, but we’ve delivered what we’re expected to do so—to reply, acknowledge our shortcomings, credit the rightful owners, and explain our side.
Hope you have a great day!
I replied: “I’ll have to give you the benefit of the doubt. I accept the apology and who am I not to forgive Chino. After all, we live and we learn. I also had to learn some things the hard way in this journey…” And please tell Gee, I do not appreciate her reacting with a ‘Laughing’ emoji to my wife’s post about this issue. It doesn’t reflect the values you are showing in this conversation. That laughing emoji says otherwise.
He closed it saying:
“Thank you for your understanding! What’s good is that we have all learned in this incident. Sometimes, we need to go through circumstances like these.
Anyway, will give a word to Gee regarding that. I have no knowledge about that, but apologies on her behalf. I just instructed my team to credit you & update all of our captions and descriptions. I told them not to comment nor give statements, since I informed them that will be reaching out to you personally.
